Are you the happy, confident woman you hope to be? Are your fears and negative self-talk holding you back? Or do you swing to the other extreme — your audaciousness sometimes gets you into trouble? Read on to find the perfect balance for you and learn more insightful tips on managing your self-esteem from our meditation expert Tom Cronin.
What is self-confidence? I believe self-confidence relates to both the way you see yourself and the way you believe others see you. Self-confidence is one of the single most important personality traits you own, as it gives you a base from which to build every aspect of your life. And the good news is everyone can develop their self-confidence — you don’t have to be born with it.
But there is a fine line between being over confident and not being confident enough. A healthy sense of self-confidence will help you to successfully cope with stress and develop and grow as a person.
If you have too little self-confidence
- Feel as though you have little to no control in your life.
- Feel as though you are easily manipulated or undermined by other people.
- See yourself as a “pushover.”
- Believe that other people see you as incompetent, unworthy, or useless.
- Fail to recognize your own capabilities and achievements.
- Focus on your failures and your flaws.
- Avoid seeking new experiences or meeting new people.
If you have too much self-confidence
- Try to control or manipulate the situations and people you encounter.
- Have difficulty working cooperatively with others.
- Have a “my-way-or-the-highway” attitude.
- Believe that you are always right.
- Be overly focused on your success and inflate your accomplishments.
- Fail to recognize or accept your own flaws and fail to admit to mistakes.
- Avoid situations or experiences that you might not be able to control.
What does an optimal level of self-confidence look like?
The key is to have a realistic self-image. You have to see yourself as a dynamic human being, with both talents and shortcomings. In addition, you have to be comfortable experiencing new things – even when these things lead to situations that might be out of your control. In order to find the right amount of self-confidence you must release fear and understand your own inner potential.
How do I attain this?
Through practicing stillness. Each time you meditate, you go through the process of quietening your mind. You can reach a level of relaxation where you no longer experience the intrusion of defeating thoughts, worries, or self-doubt. It’s at this level that you are able to accept yourself for who you are – including all your strengths and all your weaknesses. When you repeatedly focus on finding this stillness, you will develop the sense of self-confidence you need to combat life’s many obstacles.
How to improve your self-confidence
Too much self-confidence?
You need to step outside of your comfort zone because deep down you’re afraid that you won’t be able to control things. If you are overconfident, you need to let go. Here’s what to do:
- Let someone else call the shots for once – at work or at home.
- When you want to do things your way, try to make a compromise instead.
- Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses.
- Ask someone for forgiveness for something you’ve done wrong.
- Try something new.
Too little self-confidence?
Confidence can be easily faked. If you start acting the part of a confident and capable person, other people will treat you as one.
- Give your opinion.
- Own your anxiety but don’t let it control you.
- Reflect on all of your accomplishments from the past year.
- Breathe deeply, stand tall, and hold your head up high.
- Dress the part of a confident and successful person.
- Make eye contact.
At the root of both a lack of self-confidence and overconfidence is fear. If you can’t seem to control your fear – of the unknown, of failure, or of social ridicule – you need to start developing the ability to calm yourself down and have faith in your own inner potential.
At the root of both a lack of self-confidence and overconfidence is fear.
Meditation can help you to filter out all of those negatively-charged thoughts – the ones that are broadcasting the worst-case scenario over and over again. When you are in a state of Stillness you can see your inner potential in a positive, but realistic light and you won’t feel fearful towards new situations.
Want to find out more about meditation? Visit Tom’s website for more interesting insights on meditation and click on this link to download free meditation videos. You can also get some handy meditation tips from Tom in this post.